A raise of hands for us who’s pleading not guilty right now? Ever sneakily held your mouth to hold back the laughter when that annoying co-worker accidentally spilled coffee on their presentation? Yes, we’ve all been there. But what does it mean if a pang of guilt follows that joy? Psychologists call this feeling of delight at other people’s misfortune with a touch of shame “schadenfreude”, and we’ve all experienced it at some point or the other.
Decoding the complexity of ‘Schadenfreude’
Think of an instance in which you were probably scrolling through your social media, and you came across someone who seemed to have a life that’s always better than yours, but now they’re going through a rough patch.
You feel a slight excitement run through you. Schadenfreude is that strange combination of glee and spite. It’s like our brains are trying to keep everything in balance, but here’s the thing: guilt is frequently served on the side of that paradoxical dish.
As it turns out, we are hardwired to judge and compare ourselves against others, and occasionally that makes us take subliminal pleasure in their mistakes. The important thing is to recognise that this doesn’t make us bad people, it’s a common quirk, rather than a sign that you’re secretly plotting everyone’s downfall.
Exploring the origins of schadenfreude’s awkward dance
So, what’s the deal with this schadenfreude shame anyway right? Think of it as a conflict between your own happiness and accepted social norms. It’s ingrained in our culture not to take pleasure in the suffering of others; it’s almost like that sinful pleasure you engage in and then perhaps regret in due course.
Here’s a fun fact, schadenfreude is a compound noun derived from the German words Schaden, which means “damage” or “harm,” and Freude, which means “joy.” Thus, it makes sense that the term “schadenfreude” refers to happiness caused by another person’s downfall.
An internal battle that feeds on guilt might be the result of this conflict between personal emotional responses and societal standards. This phenomenon may have a psychological basis in empathy and the ability to comprehend the emotions of others. The first step in treating and controlling schadenfreude shame is admitting these origins.
When laughter turns sour: the dark side of schadenfreude
Even though it may feel good to be a hater in the heat of the moment, overindulging in schadenfreude can strain your relationships and deplete your empathy. Taking pleasure in the suffering of others can make it difficult to empathise with them or lend a sympathetic ear. It may even cast you upon a desolate island of judgmentalism, gradually turning you into a cynical and insensitive version of the Grinch and none of us are interested in that, right?
One study looked into the connections between schadenfreude, stereotypes, and jealousy. The research revealed, somewhat worryingly, that when an outgroup is envied, the ingroup’s happiness at the outgroup’s misery was linked to a readiness to injure outgroup members.
Abrupt schadenfreude may cause you to lose sight of your moral compass and turn you into a predator waiting to take advantage of others’ mistakes. In extreme situations, schadenfreude excess may even motivate people to take steps to guarantee their demise.
When you find happiness in the suffering of others without taking the larger picture into account, you run the risk of becoming morally ambiguous. This might make you less understanding and more critical of others, or even worse.
Emotional jujitsu: navigating schadenfreude’s waves with skillful coping
Before moving on to coping mechanisms, let’s first pause for a minute of introspection. Consider why you experienced that joyful moment. Was it the relief from tension, a hint of jealousy, or just the recognition of shared human feelings? Untangling the issue is made easier by knowing the roots.
Self-reflection
Start by considering the causes of the schadenfreude feeling. Knowing if it is a result of jealousy, insecurity, or other internal issues might help you gain an important perspective.
Cultivating empathy
Stepping into another person’s shoes is one way to counteract it. Having empathy can lead to pity, which is the most kind reaction to someone else’s tragedy. This will preferably reduce the likelihood of gaining pleasure from other’s downfalls.
Mindfulness practices
Through the strengthening of three essential mental processes, perspective, and emotion, mindfulness improves empathy and compassion. By encouraging emotional control, mindfulness can assist you in managing the waves of guilt and shame connected to schadenfreude.
Seeking professional guidance
If schadenfreude shame starts to bother you on a regular basis, you might want to consult a mental health professional for support. A safe environment is offered by therapy for investigating and resolving the underlying reasons for these feelings.
To be a human in this environment where compassion and empathy are valued is to be able to control our feelings, especially schadenfreude. The next time your frenemy makes a mistake, give it some thought before you enjoy that little rush of happiness. Salute the virtues of your ethics and self-worth, but be cautious of the dark aspects of your covert schadenfreude.
(Tashia Bernardus)