When railroads were developed in the 19th century, English towns were compelled to observe London Time, often known as Greenwich Mean Time (GMT). Certain towns managed to endure longer than others. Oxford was one town that refused to back down, and for a while, the huge clock on Tom Tower at Christ Church had two-minute hands. Even still, Great Tom, the city’s loudest bell, rings 101 times every night at five past nine. If one is even five minutes late, they can still be said to be “running on Oxford time.”
Social etiquette and perception of lateness
The ‘Oxford Times’ explanation is a bit of a joke, because, of course, nobody minds if you are only five minutes late. It’s not too late to be five minutes late. However, it’s the type of late that folks become irritated for. If they are (or believe they are) your social or hierarchical superiors, they become much more irritated with you because your tardiness shows a lack of regard and deference for them.
Being late communicates the message, “My time is more valuable than yours,” or, more accurately, “I am more important than you,” and maybe even, “I am doing you a favor by turning up at all,” unless you have a very good excuse—ideally, something beyond your control, like an elephant on the motorway.
Arriving late to a formal or significant event, like a wedding or burial, or one with several participants and exact timings, such as a social dinner party or community gathering, is very impolite.
Not only can being late offend other people, but it also reflects poorly on the individual who is late, since it may indicate a lack of understanding, empathy, determination, or intelligence. For example, the individual who is late might have overscheduled his day, set unreasonable goals, or miscalculated how long it takes to get from one place to another.
Psychological and behavioral implications of tardiness
However, tardiness can have more sinister causes than just being incompetent. Some entail hostility and violence, while others involve deceit oneself. Let’s begin with hostility and rage. Even those who exhibit almost exaggerated composure and civility when they are angry may nevertheless choose to display their resentment passively by refusing to live up to the fair expectations of others, whether consciously or unconsciously.
Passive-aggressive behavior can take many forms, such as casting doubt and confusion, forgetting important details or objects, stopping routine actions like making tea, cooking, cleaning, or assigning blame, and, of course, arriving late—often and irregularly. Passive-aggressive behavior, as its name implies, is a way to exhibit aggression without fully enduring the emotional and social consequences of more overt aggression.
It can cause a tremendous deal of distress and resentment in the person or individuals receiving it, though, and it does not allow the underlying issue(s) to be recognized and addressed.
Now let’s talk about the second, self-deception. As we have observed, arriving late—especially noticeably or frequently late—sends the message that you are more important than others. Of course, it is possible to send out a message that isn’t true—and in fact, people frequently do so for that very reason. As a result, someone who is late may be doing so to assert his importance or inferiority complex, garner attention, or even seize control of the occasion.
You may have noticed that certain individuals who have a tendency to arrive late also frequently make a big deal out of it by expressing regret, introducing themselves to each person individually, rearranging furniture, requesting a clean glass, and so forth. It goes without saying that this kind of action does not completely eliminate passive aggression.
Staying true to one’s self-deception, arriving late might also be interpreted as a sign of resistance, disagreement with the meeting’s goal, or animosity about its likely conclusion. Analogous resistance is likely to be shown by an analysand during psychotherapy, including but not limited to being late, changing the subject, nodding off, or missing appointments entirely.
Such actions in the context of psychotherapy indicate that the analysand is on the verge of recalling previously repressed information but is scared of what might happen.
It is important to note that tardiness is not always a sign of illness or mental instability. Being late can sometimes be your unconscious (intuition) alerting you that something is wrong or that it would be better if you didn’t go. For example, it could be telling you that going to a meeting (or even a job) is a waste of time or that it would ultimately be against your interests. Keep in mind that headaches can have a similar purpose; at least, mine does.
Asking yourself “Why exactly am I late?” might help you gain a lot of insight whenever you are running behind schedule. Why are you too busy, even if it’s ‘just’ because you are too busy? We frequently overextend ourselves in an attempt to avoid spending time alone thinking about and feeling our deepest emotions. This is, of course, quite detrimental in the short, medium, and long terms. And for that additional reason—thank goodness for cell phones—we’re running late to avoid being left alone.
Reflections on personal experience and cultural norms
I’ll end this by making a small confession. I frequently arrive at social gatherings precisely eight minutes late. Why? While being precisely on time can occasionally catch your host off guard (I get caught out by people who are on time a lot, which I suppose is a type of being late), being early is just as disrespectful, if not more so, than being late. However, arriving eight minutes late does not come off as being late, and it provides your host with ample opportunity to take a seat, collect their thoughts, and start anticipating your arrival.
(Tashia Bernardus)