We’ve all been there. You just opened your inbox, and you’ve just started your day at work, and oh!—there awaits a passive-aggressive email for you to savor for the rest of the day. What a bummer it would be if you were just trying to put forward a positive attitude for your day at work, but you see this “email’ staring right back at you, waiting for your reply.
But, what do you do when you receive such emails as these? How do you approach it?
Take a moment to relax and breathe before you proceed into a verbal battle with the sender on the other end of this exciting email. According to communication experts, there’s a better way. So, let’s transform that possible email battleground into a “win-win conversation”, shall we?
In this article, we’ll give you the necessary tips on remaining composed in such a situation and how to turn a potentially unpleasant email exchange into a productive discussion.
The urge to backfire? Resist it
Receiving an email well-versed in passive aggression can be a bit of a toughie to deal with.
Do you gather the courage to respond politely, disregarding their tone? Should you respond to the sender’s energy with an equal mix of passive-aggressiveness and snark, fueled by frustration or a desire to defend yourself?
According to corporate coach and communication specialist Susan Room, the wisest course of action might be to not reply at all. Why? Well, mostly because this kind of approach to a rusty situation shows that you still want to keep things light-hearted and professional, and rather limit any problems that could arise if a conflict starts. This approach can save you from looking unprofessional.
Emails, while efficient, aren’t always the most effective way to communicate — especially if you have “negative feelings about the recipient,” Room tells CNBC Make It.
She adds that while it’s natural to want to return the favor to someone who has been unkind to you, you should keep in mind that maintaining a good and productive working relationship is more important than winning an argument.
Understanding the root cause of passive-aggressive emails
Let’s decode the passive-aggressive email together. What is the reason for such an email in the first place? It can be confusing—but like a puzzle, it’s important to fix all the pieces to look at the big picture. Try to think back and far as to why this person would have even initiated the email.
To handle the issue properly, one must be able to recognize these indications. Experts advise taking a step back to evaluate the underlying problems and think of a more positive strategy, as opposed to increasing the stress.
Why you shouldn’t hit reply and run
Though it could offer you a brief rush of thrill, responding rashly to a passive-aggressive email is like playing with fire. You run the risk of escalating a tiny blaze into a massive one. Consider tense interpersonal situations, an uneasy workplace atmosphere, and possible damage to your professional reputation. Not quite the result you were hoping for, is it?
So, how do we respond in a way that does not give rise to unprofessional situations? That’s where win-win conversations come into play.
It’s an attitude, not just a clever phrase. You’re searching for points of agreement rather than going head to head. You’re transforming an otherwise unfavorable situation into one in which everyone can win. That sounds better than an email battleground, don’t you think?
Practical tips for win-win conversations
Although those phrases can raise your blood pressure, it can be challenging to understand someone’s tone through an email. It can be tricky, because sometimes you may interpret their tone incorrectly for reasons like- they’re more to the point than you are.
So, what is advisable is to place a phone call or schedule a face-to-face conversation to understand where each other is coming from and how to fix the issue smoothly.
“If you feel there’s conflict, stop emailing, talk with people instead. And before you do, as well as preparing what you’re going to say, plan how you will use the superpower that is your voice to say it”, executive coach and communication expert Susan Room wrote in a blog post last year.
Asking for clarification is quite acceptable if the communication left you baffled. “Hey, could you elaborate on this point?” is a simple yet effective way to start. It conveys that you’re not retaliating in defense but actually making an effort to understand.
When expressing your emotions, make sure to use “I” expressions to avoid making the other person defensive. For instance, ‘I saw that there was a miscommunication over the jobs you assigned me in your most recent email. To ensure that the workflow continues smoothly, let’s be clear about what is expected of us’- this approach not only resolves the issue but also establishes a tone of professionalism and deference for further correspondence.
Finally, remember that these circumstances can be frightening, and it’s acceptable to let passive hostility go if confronting it feels too uncomfortable for you. There is power in not reacting as well.
The gist of it?
The best thing is that in addition to being beneficial for you personally, adopting the “win-win conversation” mindset also improves the atmosphere of the company as a whole. When everyone is willing to collaborate and communicate freely, it’s as though the workplace has become a hub for optimism. Togetherness, mutual regard, and trust are all included.
(Tashia Bernardus)