If given the liberty and choice of turning off emotions, even if it was temporary, most of us would do so without a second thought. In a fast-paced world where living in itself is a rat race, our minds are swamped enough as it is by the crushing weight of existence (nihilistic, yes, but I know this is a common sentiment). Therefore, we do not have the time to dedicate time for our emotions from our busy schedules. And what I mean by the weight of existence is the financial and emotional labour that is required to keep our lives afloat. And at the end of a 24-hour day, most of the adults are beat, tired and dreaming about hitting the hay, consistently. Every day is a wash-rinse repeat of the same string of actions. And it is very rare that there is a rupture of it. This is why most do not have the luxury of feeling their emotions, let alone acknowledging them. However, an emotion that has lingered for too long, accumulated weight and has grown out of proportion is that of loneliness. It has transitioned from being a common emotion to a health hazard to an epidemic in most countries. And because it has now gained a tag and a label, most are compelled to be conscious about it.
Isn’t loneliness a mundane emotion?
Yes, it is. But not if it is prolonged. It is obvious that the problem of loneliness exists. Pervasively. But what is not obvious is the nature and extent to which it has grown. Most health hazards can be measured and given numerical values, but how do we place loneliness on a scale?
In an attempt to define loneliness, The Economist draws a line between being socially isolated; meaning you do not interact with friends, solitude; an active choice to be alone and loneliness. Researchers define loneliness as a feeling of not having the social connections that you desire, despite being surrounded by many friends and family members. It is important to note that even people who are objectively socially isolated are more likely to feel lonely, but loneliness can affect individuals who seem to have plenty of social connections. The lonely are not merely sad but they are a risk of poor health which might even result in premature deaths.
This particular emotion is not always negative. According to John Cacioppo, a prominent psychologist, loneliness is a natural instinct shaped by evolution. Early humans needed to stay connected to their groups for survival, so feeling lonely was a way to encourage social interaction. Even today, transient or temporary feelings of loneliness can serve the purpose of prompting us to seek companionship when needed. The problem arises when loneliness becomes a prolonged and chronic state.
Loneliness as an epidemic
Doctors and policymakers are becoming increasingly concerned about the issue of loneliness. This is because most countries are experiencing an epidemic of loneliness. For instance, in the U.S. According to Surgeon General Vivek Murthy’s statement in May 2023, Americans are victims of loneliness which he dubbed an “underappreciated public health crisis”. The widespread loneliness in the U.S. and the lack of social connection can be as harmful to health as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. The Surgeon General’s report, titled “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation” reveals that even before the COVID-19 pandemic, approximately half of all American adults felt lonely to some extent. The report also highlights the serious physical health risks associated with loneliness, including a 29% higher chance of developing heart disease, a 32% increased risk of having a stroke, and a 50% higher likelihood of developing dementia, particularly among older adults. According to the New York Times, at any given moment, about one out of every two Americans is experiencing measurable levels of loneliness. The conclusion was inferred after observing all types of people including introverts-extroverts, rich-poor and young-old individuals.
Even Japan is experiencing a similar fate. A recent government survey reveals that almost 1.5 million individuals have chosen to live in isolation, primarily staying within their homes and rarely venturing outside. These individuals are referred to as “hikikomori”; a term coined in the 1980s, or shut-ins, as per the government’s definition, which specifies that they must have maintained this lifestyle for at least six months. Some hikikomori only leave their homes to purchase groceries or engage in occasional activities, while others remain confined to their bedrooms. The COVID-19 pandemic has exacerbated the situation, as indicated by a survey conducted by the government’s Children and Families Agency in November.
According to this nationwide survey, which involved 12,249 respondents, approximately 2% of people aged 15 to 64 identified themselves as hikikomori, with a slight increase in this percentage among those aged 15 to 39. When this percentage is applied to Japan’s total population, it suggests that there are an estimated 1.46 million individuals living as social recluses in the country, according to a spokesperson from the agency.
Small talk could be a solution
While this goes without saying, human connections have a healing power. It is truly ironic that in a world defined by digital connections, people are devoid of actual human connections that could add value to their quality of life. And in order to combat this issue, some nations have even established frameworks for national strategies such as improving the social infrastructure and enacting pro-connection public policies. Undoubtedly, these solutions are commendable. However, a baby step that can be taken towards combating loneliness is to engage in small talk.
In the world of communication, small talk has a bad reputation. It is often brushed off as superficial and unnecessary. But what we need to understand is that small talk is more about “how” we communicate rather than “what” we talk about. While the topics may be about the weather (often considered trivial) it’s the way we speak, our body language, tone, and emotions that make small talk valuable. Small talk helps us find common ground, improve our listening skills, and become more comfortable in social situations. It’s like a stepping stone for deeper conversations that need trust and openness which is often considered a remedy for loneliness. Therefore, the next time your mind wants to ask “hot outside isn’t it?”, go with your gut instinct and do so. Not to start an empty talk but to initiate social talk (of course not in an intrusive manner but in a manner that you would wish well for the interlocutor). Perhaps it will lead to a bigger conversation about climate change and its implications or it might help build a human connection which is a much-needed form of therapy.
(Sandunlekha Ekanayake)